Dearest
by Kenny's SpaceCadet
Summary: ONESHOT. Yuki/Shuichi. Yuki spends an entire day under the impression that Shuichi is dead.


Yuki spends an entire day thinking Shuichi is dead.

**Disclaimer: **Nope.

* * *

**Dearest**

"He has pneumonia, Eiri-san," the voice of the doctor said, with little to no emotion.

Yuki asked him to repeat and when Doctor Kakashi repeated, Yuki started to snicker. "I thought it was something serious. You sounded so grave."

"I think you misunderstand, Eiri-san. Pneumonia, when treated in its early stages, is not a terrible disease. However, the lack of rest, the lack of care, and the lack of noticing that Shindou-san was sick have caused the illness to progress. There is almost no hope of Shindou-san surviving, Eiri-san. He has about a 95 percent chance of passing on."

Yuki shook his head. "But that's not right. Shuichi hasn't been sick! I'd have known!"

Doctor Kakashi sighed. "Apparently, you are not a very good boyfriend. According to our diagnosis, Shindou-san has had the disease for over a month, well past the appropriate time for him to have been hospitalized. I can't believe you haven't noticed! Do you pay any attention to him at all?"

Yuki shook his head again, refusing to believe what this stupid doctor was telling him. "You're wrong! Shuichi is just fine! You mixed up his test results with someone else's, I just know it!"

"Look, Eiri-san, we have tried very hard to make sure that Shindou-san and Britney Spears' lab results were separate; Shuichi is going to die, and it's all your fault, not mine!"

Yuki sat up from where he had been waiting in the waiting room, and sprinted towards Shuichi's room, ignoring the nurses who were telling him to stop. He didn't stop though, not until he was standing next to his lover.

Shuichi's breaths were shallow, and he was hooked up to a lot of different machines. He looked deathly pale. Yuki traced his boyfriend's pallid cheek lovingly. "You're not going to die, silly," Yuki whispered. "That doctor doesn't know what he's talking about!"

Shuichi's eyes opened slightly. "Y-yuki?"

Yuki caressed his lover's head in a way he'd never have done normally. "Shuichi…"

"I'm gonna die…"

"No, that doctor was lying! He mixed up your lab results with Britney Spears'!"

Shuichi didn't agree. "It's not the doctor's fault I'm gonna die. It's yours!" Shuichi looked about as angry as a person on their deathbed could look. "You should have noticed that I was sick! You're a terrible person Yuki, and I hope you feel guilty about this until you die!"

"No! No!" Yuki wasn't going to let it happen. He gripped Shuichi's shoulders as tight as he could, determined not to let his lover pass on into the next world.

"Why did you kill me, Yuki? All I ever did was love you."

And then… the cliché red line, and drawn out beep. Shuichi's heart had stopped beating.

Yuki didn't make a sound. He rushed out of the room as quickly as he could. He needed to get away. This wasn't possible. This wasn't how it was supposed to go…

He bumped into Britney Spears on the way out, who gave him a calculating look. "Yuki. You killed him. You should be ashamed of yourself. He gave you everything he had and this is how you repay him?"

Yuki pushed past her slutty frame and ran further, ignoring her shouts. "You will burn in Hell for this, Yuki Eiri-san! IN HELL!"

He couldn't deal with Britney right now; he just couldn't.

Yuki forewent his car and ran all the way back to his apartment. Upon walking in, he realized that everything in here reminded him of Shuichi. The walls were covered in Bad Luck posters…. There were bunny dolls all over the floor… The couch was uninhabitable for all of Shuichi's clothes that had somehow been strewn over… There were flowers everywhere…

And stuck to the refrigerator, when Yuki stumbled into the kitchen for a beer to drown his sorrows, was a strategically placed framed picture of him and Shuichi. It was from when they were at the amusement park. Shuichi's cute little head was right above Yuki's shoulder, smiling.

And then Shuichi's face frowned. "Why did you kill me, Yuki? All I ever did was love you," the picture said pitifully.

Yuki couldn't take it. He rushed to the bedroom and pushed his head into the pillow, trying to drown out Shuichi's voice from his head.

"_All I ever did was love you… All I ever did was love you…"_

Yuki fell asleep with no desire to ever wake up again.

* * *

Unfortunately, Yuki did wake up. He grumbled, and looked at the clock. It was already noon. _I slept in pretty late, _Yuki thought to himself. He felt kind of bad, but he couldn't figure out why.

"Shuichi, why didn't you wake me up?" Yuki said tiredly, looking over at the space where Shuichi usually was.

He shot straight up. Shuichi was not in bed, and the previous night's events came rushing back into Yuki's mind.

_No…_

Yuki tore apart the house, looking for his lover, but not finding him. "No! That had to have been a dream… Shuichi can't be dead!"

He called Shuichi's phone, but there was no answer.

He called Hiro next. "Hello?"

"Where's Shuichi?" Yuki asked fervently.

"He can't talk right now, and neither can I. I'm busy!" Hiro said, sounding a little pissed.

"Is he there? Please, tell me he's there!"

"I'm afraid he's not here, Yuki."

"Where is he?!"

"Where the Hell do you think, you dumb novelist? Let me get back to work." Hiro snapped before shutting his phone.

Yuki stared at his phone in dread. This wasn't happening.

Shuichi was dead.

Yuki tried to work on writing a bit, figuring logically that at least he would be getting peace and quiet. But his plan was in vain, because he couldn't concentrate for the life of him. Shuichi's face kept popping up into his mind's eye, and Yuki couldn't think about the words on the screen of his laptop that seemed so very unimportant now.

He tried to watch TV, but all he saw were Bad Luck music videos on almost every channel. They were sure popular. Yuki's deceased lover was all over the screen, almost within his reach, but not quite. "I wonder when the memorials are gonna start," Yuki mused miserably to himself. "The press should pick up on this one quick."

Yuki turned off the TV. He couldn't concentrate on that either. Scratch that - he didn't want to concentrate on it.

He decided to try to read a book instead. He picked up a sappy romance novel that Shuichi had been reading, and flipped to the page Shuichi had bookmarked.

"_Ayumi! It's not true!" Sota said desperately to the beautiful woman on the hospital bed._

"_I'm afraid it is, Sota… the doctors say I am going to die within the next hour!" Ayumi's lip quivered as she reached out for the comfort of her love-_

Yuki threw the book down. Shuichi read the stupidest trash.

So he went and sat on the couch and flipped on Shuchi's iPod, thinking his lover's music would drown out his sorrows.

It turns out Shuichi had been listening to a slow, sad sounding song whenever he'd been listening to the music player before.

"_Sonna toki itsu date me o tojireba waratteru kimi ga iru…"_

Yuki flipped the music off quickly. "I see you laughing whenever I close my eyes… what bullshit…"

Yuki was then struck with a vision of his lover laughing hysterically when Yuki had been tackled by a cat; or when Shuichi would giggle softly at the TV when they'd sit together, not wanting to disturb him; or when Shuichi would make a joke and laugh along with whomever he made laugh. Shuichi was always laughing.

Yuki buried his head in his hands.

He decided to go try and take a bath. However, he spilled all of Shuichi's shampoo by accident and was hit hard with the scent of what his lover's hair had used to smell like. He got out almost immediately after he got in.

Yuki went to the kitchen next to grab a beer, but then he saw the picture on the refrigerator – the one that had mocked him last night. Yuki stared hard at the picture, willing it to speak again. Willing _Shuichi _to speak again. "C'mon, Shu-chan," Yuki said pleadingly to the picture. "Speak for me. Let me hear you one more time!"

There was no sound. Yuki decided not to have a beer.

He went and lay down in bed, but the scent that Shuichi had left here was worse than Shuichi's entire shampoo bottle. Yuki punched the pillow in anger and went to go sit in the living room again.

It was so quiet. The silence made Yuki felt like being dead, since Shuichi was usually so loud. He apparently couldn't last a day without Shuichi at his side.

"That doesn't make sense," Yuki said to himself. "He's usually at the studio, and I'm fine when he's gone there. I'm happy when he's gone. I get peace and quiet when he's gone. Why am I not happy?"

The darkness of Yuki's situation was finally setting in. He was fine when Shuichi went to the studio, because Shuichi was always going to come back. Yuki could usually expect his tiny lover anywhere between 6 and 10 o' clock in the evening; but he knew that this time, Shuichi wasn't coming back. It hit Yuki harder than any train could have, the realization that his lover was gone from his life forever.

"It's all my fault…" Yuki whispered. "I should have known he was sick… why didn't I pay attention to him? If I could go back just a couple more days… to take him to the hospital, so he would be cured… I'm a terrible person... I've lost the only one who's ever really cared about me all because I'm an arrogant ass!"

"_All I ever did was love you…" _

He felt the tears prickling his eyes. He had been trying to last for six more years. But when he remembered Shuichi holding him that day, before they'd really gotten together, when Yuki had cried for the first and only time in front of his lover so far, Yuki knew he wouldn't be able to hold out. The salty tears were pouring from his eyes, not stopping even though he tried to put a stopper on them.

"Shuichi, come back… I love you…"

* * *

Yuki was woken up by a loud yell from the bathroom. "Yuki! All my fucking shampoo is spilt!"

Yuki sat up ramrod straight on the couch which he had apparently cried himself to unconsciousness on. He recognized that voice, but… it wasn't possible… he'd watched it happen… he'd watched Shuichi die…

"Shuichi?" Yuki whispered.

"Are you even listening to me? Oh right, you're sleeping! Sorry Yuki!"

Yuki forced himself onto his feet and into the bathroom, were he saw Shindou Shuichi himself observing the empty bottle of shampoo. "Damn, I needed to wash my hair too," Shuichi muttered to himself. "Guess I'll have to use Yuki's weird stuff then…"

"Shuichi!"

Shuichi turned around from his spot in front of the bathtub. "Yuki!" He pounced on Yuki, wrapping his arms firmly around the writer's shoulders and extending his legs around Yuki's waist. "Did you have a good day?"

Shuichi's face was very close to Yuki's now, and he seemed to notice Yuki's red, bloodshot eyes for the first time. "Yuki! Are you drunk??"

"No…"

"Have you been getting high? We talked about this, Yuki; if you're going to smoke and drink in this house, you can't be shooting heroin too-"

Shuichi was cut off by a sniffle from his lover. "Oh my! Yuki, are you okay? Have you been crying!? What's wrong? Did someone say something cruel to you?"

"Shuichi, you're alive!" Yuki whispered, pulling the pink-haired boy closer to him. "This isn't possible. I watched you die. I watched you get sick, all because of me; because I was dumb and didn't notice you were sick! I watched you in the hospital, dying, and I heard the doctor telling me he hadn't mixed up your lab results with Britney Spears'!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shuichi asked. "Hospital? Britney Spears?"

"And then…" Yuki choked back a sob. "You said, 'Why did you kill me, Yuki? All I ever did was love you.' I killed you! I neglected you to the point of death! And your picture, it mocked me too, it talked to me!"

"My picture, what?"

"Did the doctors bring you back after I left? Did they use the defibrillator to start your heart again?"

"Yuki, I've been at the studio all day!" Shuichi said with annoyance.

"No! I called the studio, Nakano said you weren't there!"

"Well I could have been out getting pocky. I did leave around noon or so to go buy some at the corner shop… Yuki, are you hallucinating? Did you have a bad dream when you fell asleep earlier?"

The words hit Yuki like cold ice. _Bad. Dream. _All of a sudden, the ridiculousness of Britney Spears lecturing Yuki about his love life hit Yuki with full force. He dropped Shuichi on the bathroom floor, causing the singer to yelp.

"I'm going to go to bed," Yuki said coldly. He didn't want to face this humiliation. He'd actually thought Shuichi was DEAD. _How fucking stupid can I get? _He stormed out of the bathroom, trying to hide his face from Shuichi.

He slammed the bedroom door shut and buried his face into the pillow, angry and ashamed thoughts running through his head. What he'd just done to Shuichi was exactly what had killed Shuichi in his dream. He'd literally dropped his lover on a tile floor. _How much more terrible can I get? He deserves so much better than me._

_All he's ever done is love me._

The door squeaked slightly as it was opened slowly. "Y-Yuki? Do you want me to make you some dinner? I can get you something to eat before you fall asleep if you want…" Shuichi's voice was soft and quiet. Yuki felt shame coursing through his arteries. Shuichi had just been neglected and had proceeded to offer to comfort Yuki even more!

"Shuichi," Yuki whispered. "Come here."

The door was shut just as softly as it had been opened, and Shuichi's tiny feet padded across the floor to the bed. Yuki dragged Shuichi in and under the covers, regardless of the fact that Shuichi was still fully clothed.

"Yuki, are you alright?" Shuichi asked timidly.

Yuki decided then to relay all the events of his dream and the proceeding day to the singer, who listened attentively. The only thing Yuki left out was his impromptu declaration of love during his tears. _I always complain about him talking too much, but when I talk, he never interrupts. Isn't that what counts most?_

When Yuki had finished, Shuichi was giggling. "Hey, you dumb brat, I just had the worst day of my life and you're sitting here laughing at me!"

Shuichi immediately shut up. "I'm sorry. I'm just so happy!"

"Why?"

"Cause you cared enough to be sad all day for me!" Shuichi said. Yuki could tell the boy was grinning madly, even though the lights in the room were off.

Yuki wrapped his arms around Shuichi's shoulders tightly. "I'm sorry I'm so terrible to you," Yuki whispered in Shuichi's ear.

"Oh, don't worry about it, I'm used to it!"

"You deserve better than this," Yuki went on.

"I don't think it could possibly be better than this," the singer said dreamily. Yuki was so confused. How could this be what Shuichi wanted? It seemed that all Yuki ever did was take out his anger on him, and tell Shuichi he was an idiot, a baka, a brat.

"I'm not nice enough to you."

"You're nicer to me than to anyone else," Shuichi said quietly. "If you had had a dream that Tatsuha had died you'd have woken up and laughed."

"That doesn't mean I'm good for you…" Yuki replied. What was wrong with this boy?

"I'm happier with you right in this moment than I've ever been with anyone," Shuichi said in the same dreamy voice he'd been talking in. "I love you."

Yuki responded by tightening his grip on Shuichi. "I don't understand why you love me Shuichi… but I guess I'll have to accept that you're gonna be here for a while, huh?"

"More like forever. Until you get sick of me, I mean," Shuichi said, sounding unconfident all of a sudden.

Yuki wished he'd thought of a response quicker. But he hadn't; after Shuichi had said that, Yuki hadn't said anything for almost a minute, and Shuichi's happiness had been dampened considerably.

So Yuki decided, maybe it was time to let his guard down a bit. "I love you," he said softly. Perhaps hearing it for the first time would bring Shuichi's mood up a bit. It was embarrassing to admit his love for the boy, but Yuki decided he deserved a little humiliation if it meant making Shuichi truly happy for once.

"Y-you mean it?" Shuichi asked.

"I burst into tears because I thought you weren't going to come back tonight. Of course I mean it, baka," Yuki said.

"Yuki! I love you so much!!" Shuichi declared. He then started going into all the reasons why Yuki was 'so awesome and wonderful and sexy and awesome,' and he snuggled into Yuki's chest comfortably to explain all of this.

And Yuki found himself unable to understand why he had ever wanted to choose peace and quiet over this.

* * *

Yuki woke up with Shuichi the next morning (because APPARENTLY Shuichi had left without Yuki realizing the previous morning, which had led to Yuki waking up with no one in the bed, so Yuki had ordered the boy to wake up him up before he left). Yuki decided to follow his lover around through his morning routine and tease him (and watch him get dressed).

Then, while Shuichi was busy brushing his hair, something happened that made Yuki's heart just about stop.

_Shuichi had sneezed._

Almost instantly, Yuki was all over Shuichi. "You're sick! You're not going into work today; you need to go to the hospital!"

"What are you…? Yuki!" Shuichi squealed as Yuki picked him up bridal style and carried him out to the car. "I can't miss work because of a stupid sneeze!"

"Do you understand how serious this could be!?"

They arrived at the emergency room a couple minutes later, despite the fact that the hospital was a good distance across town from their shared apartment. Yuki had driven fast… Luckily for them, no one else was waiting at the moment, so they got inside immediately. Not that Shuichi was very enthusiastic about it. But Yuki knew he had to protect his lover from death this time, and he was going to do it, whether Shuichi liked it or not!

The doctor was a nice lady who introduced herself as Doctor Hirashi Yuka. "Well, let's get him into a sterile environment," she said while dragging the couple into a hospital room. "Lay here, Shindou-san. Go sit over there in the corner, Eiri-san. Now, let me take a hear at your lungs, Shindou-san," she said kindly while pulling out a stethoscope.

About ten minutes later, she gave Yuki and Shuichi a grave look. "I have found out the problem."

Yuki was on the edge of his seat. "W-what is it Doctor?"

"Shindou-san has acute viral nasopharyngitis."

Yuki's breath caught in his throat. "It… that… what does this mean?"

"It means that he has a cold and should lie in bed for the next day or two, and that I should not see either of you back anytime soon."

**The End!**

* * *

Hehe. The lyrics that I used in the middle somewhere are from the song "Dearest" by Ayumi Hamasaki. It's a pretty song. I don't own it…?


End file.
